Thursday, June 2, 2011

What's YOUR favorite Flyer doing this summer?

Let's be serious; while this team is filled with talent, a lot of the guys are young and most definitely have plans for the off season. So let's check in with the boys in Orange & Black and see what they're doing in the coming months...

- Jeff Carter - Under the surname, "The Cartz", he will be patrolling the beaches of Sea Isle & Wildwood for barely-legal high school girls to drink crappy, bottom shelf vodka with. If he can get to second base with at least 60% of the girls he gets tipsy, Jeff will consider his summer a success.

- Mike Richards - The Flyers captain will squat in former Eagles QB Ron Jaworski's Stone Harbor, New Jersey shore house and have Jack Daniel's chugging contests with himself in the mirror. Then when ready, he'll go clubbing and hit on young divorcees where his stoic persona will net him more pussy than a feline-only animal shelter.

- Danny Briere - After watching the series premiere of "Franklin & Bash", he'll decide to create a buddy comedy of his own with his housemate, Claude Giroux in his garage. "Two 1/2 size Men" will debut on the CW in the fall.

- Claude Giroux - After admitting to him that they like Claude better than their own father, Giroux will take Briere's children to Disneyworld. While riding "It's a Small World",  Claude will mistake one of the small, animatronic robots for Briere and will get out of the boat where he will be arrested by Disney security. The kids however were allowed to stay because police thought going on said ride was, "more than enough punishment".

James Van Riemsdyk - Three words: Super. Smash. Bros.

- Chris Pronger - Every day for the next two months, Pronger plans to prank Flyers beat Reporter, Tim Panaccio. It'll start with calls, and eventually escalate to flaming bags of dog poop and toilet papering his house until finally he ends the summer months by kidnapping Panaccio's family cat that goes by the same name as the defensemen.

- Kris Versteeg - Despite being a party boy like Carter & Richards, Versteeg plans to work on his career outside of hockey, a.k.a. a rap album. With appearances by Suge Knight, Nicki Minaj and Eminem, it's already being called one of the greatest crimes in the history of mankind.

- Nicolay Zherdev - Working on his Chris Brown impression with his wife stepping in for the part of Rihanna.

... Can you think of anything else? Write it in the comments!

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